A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2016 awready! Ah'm just getting used tae writin' 2015 as the date and there it goes!!! That's the problem with time....it disnae really exist! In China they don't think it's 2016! They think it's the year of the Dug or somethin' - the Hebrew calendar's aw' different, the Aztecs thought it was 10,025 or something....they can't all be right! Anyway, have a fantastic year and I hope to see ye somewhere at a gig, Cheers!

The nights are fair drawing in!

My God! It only seems like aboot ten minutes since Burns Night and here the Bairns are gaun back tae the school. FFS! Ah've been that busy this is the first chance ah've hud tae catch ye up wi what's happenin'! My Grandchildren have got to the stage where I have the unadulterated privilege of communicating with them by email. Every other day there is a golden nugget of info about school, sleepovers, Minecraft (I am learning but have yet to reach the stage where we can "join worlds". Life gets more puzzling by the hour! Are there any children left who just sit out in the garden and play with a stick?

I would like to wish everyone a Happy New 2015, I hope it brings you everything you would wish for yourself and your family! Hope to see you live in Two Oh One Five!

It's Halloween! Thank God for that! Now we can start looking forward to Christmas.....:-(
At my age a year has been reduced to this....."Should auld acquaintance be forgot.....Happy Birthday To You..... Oh....Jingle Bells - Jingle Bells.....
Not long tae go now....a few years....then it'll be the care home and ...."would you like to try some Christmas pudding" - " NO - FUCK OFF, and take yer Christmas Pudding with ye! Shove it up yer arse! I'm actually looking forward tae that!

Hiya - things have been a bit quiet lately - however, coming up in the next month are such events as - 
The AldingBOOM Festival Sun 22nd June
Chichester Music Festival 5th July
Bognor Regis Motor Gala 6th July, West Park, Bognor Regis
The Crown, Littlehampton, 19th July
Rox Music and Arts FREE Festival, Bognor Regis Seafront - 26 & 27 July - Compere main stage
Rock'n'Roll.....

ACTASTIC SHOWCASE, SOUTHPORT

I'd like to thank Paula and Sharon from Actastic Entertainments for a thoroughly enjoyable night. As usuaul their organisation was excellent, the room was buzzing and I had a great time onstage (in spite of sound gremlins!)

Southport Convention Centre

This Thursday - a huge showcase at the Southport Convention Centre for Actastic Entertainments. Anyone who would like to attend can contact Paula on +44 (0)1704880894
Loads of quality acts plus, of course.....me being extremely windswept and interesting! :-)

BURNS NIGHT FOR LORD'S TAVERNERS at The Grand Cafe in Southampton

http://www.grand-cafe.co.uk/events/burns-supper-at-grand-cafe

Friday 24th January

Burns Nicht is upon us! Wee sleekit, cowrin', tim'rous beasties, Ghaists and Houlets - you tell me - I had tae google it!

Rehearsing like mad - (wtf does that mean? "rehearsing"  re = again, hearse = a final journey, ing = a verb)....maybe it means " do this or you WILL die on your arse!!! Anyway, The Address To The Haggis is reverberating roond ma mind and ma heed is suffering from repetitive strain!

I think this gig is sold out by the way!

HAPPY 2014!!!

Ah've been rushed aff ma feet since New Year!! This is great, a weekend without work! Next thing tae hit the fan is Burns Night! Big gig next weekend for Lord's Taverners! Ah better no' mention Freuchie - if ye don't know what Freuchie is ye should google it! HAPPY NEW YEAR. :-)

My thoughts are with the people who lost friends and relatives in the helicopter crash on The CLUTHA BAR. NO words....

"THE BITTER BURDENS THAT WE BEAR" for R.C.O.L.

Hi All
In 2013 I was fortunate enough to be chosen to feature as "the pub landlord" - NOT Al Murray!!! in this production for The Royal Holloway, College of London. Wonderful people and great fun to work with!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzrO-FwspXE

KEEP CALM?????

ARE YOU AS FED UP WITH THESE "World War II" SIGNS AS I AM? This is the last one as far as I am concerned! lol (WTF is "lol" by the way? Or should that be BTW? And WTF....adults don't even realise the kids are Swearin' - well done, kids!) I'm losin' the place awthegither here! :-) xx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CkWe9pHbP8

LIVE at Sub69, Reading, Berkshire.

COMPERE THE MEERKAT.COM! At Rox Free Music and Arts Festival

COMPERE THE MEERKAT......ye see what ah did there? Ah well, another highly successful Rox Festival is over for this year with live streaming viewed in 36 countries!!! Next - Rox Pop Up events in Bognor Town Centre and we are providing the Stage, Pavilions, PA, Backline and support at Aldingbourne Alive! on September 1st at Aldingbourne Sports and Social Club.

Charity Event at Sub69, Reading for Macmillan Cancer Care

Charity night raising over £1000 for Macmillan Cancer Care! Vocalists, Musicians, Rappers all appearing FREE!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CkWe9pHbP8

HALLOOOOAH - I have been in Scotland from 8th May to June 2nd. During that time I was re-united for the first time in 23 years with Perfect Strangers - a rock band I toured the UK/Europe with and the finest musicians you could wish for! My beloved Mother died aged 86 - humorous to the last. The last words she said were to my daughter, Sharon, "Remember to tell James that joke!" I had some real quality time with my Grandchildren Annie & Alexander. I performed for Tenmat UK in Manchester, who had won the Queen's Award for Industry for the second year running. The best audience I have ever had - "working class people" whatever the fuck that means (if you have to get up in the morning to survive you are working class as far as I am concerned!) Next day I attended my Mother's Funeral - isn't life a bowl of fuckin' cherries?

Last night I hosted a night of absolute hilarity at Jack Rabbit Slim's - the newest Live Entertainment Venue in Bognor Regis, West Sussex! As part of The Royal Hotel this should become the Premier Variety venue in The South! This particular event was a fundraiser comedy night. Around 100 guests showed up and were treated to an evening of the best comedians - both established and up-and-coming acts that we have to offer! More fun than you can have with your knickers down! Click for link to Chloe's New Legs!

London Studios for Hat Trick Productions with Marcus Brigstocke

Just got back from ITV London Studios where I was recording a new show for Channel 4 hosted by Marcus Brigstocke - what a nice man! Lovely people at Hat Trick Productions, Toni, Lissa and Neil. Great fun! Hat Trick are a great company responsible for Father Ted, Harry Enfield, Armstrong & Miller and loads more!

My wonderful wife, Marian and I recorded the very last thing (ironically a quiz show pilot for ITV) at BBC Television Centre on 29/03/13 before it closed forever. We spoke to Vic Reeves (on a break from filming a new sitcom with Sir Robert Of Mortimer) at rehearsal, a really nice guy as you would expect! When recording ended and the audience melted away we walked through the corridors which had once seen the Giants of Entertainment in the UK. Everyone from my youth, Blue Peter people, the Woodentops - but enough about Noel's House Party! The Beatles, John Peel, Whispering Bob, Sir Terry, Sir Bruce, Tarby, Parky, Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Steptoe & Son, Alf Garnett, Del Boy - above all Sir Spike Milligan & Co. and far too many others to mention here. It was the base for the biggest telethon in history - Liveaid - the event that changed the world (whether you like it or not!) and.......... The infamous BBC Canteen! Which is now regretfully closed and gone forever - that which lived in infamy in the minds of Ken Bruce and Terry Wogan! God bless the BBC - it may be flawed but it reflects the flaws of the British People. Brotherly Love, Relief, Fairness and Truth! Television Centre, Wood Lane is dead - long live BBC Salford!